Long before I started speaking, writing and coaching on personal development topics I was a student. In fact I’m still very much a student first.

During my studies, as you might imagine I’ve learned a lot of ideas — some I’ve found applicable and have implemented in my life, and some, as I’ve progressed in my own personal development journey no longer fit quite like they once did. If you think about it, that makes sense — we are always growing after all.

Throughout my years of study and application in the field of personal development, one idea always seems to ring true. In fact, it has played such an important part in my own life’s journey that I feel compelled to share it with you here now.

Ready? here goes…

You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can always control how you react to what happens to you.

Did you get that? Please read that again as it’s that important. Even better, grab a 3×5 index card (or your journal) and write it down.

In life, any number of things can happen — good or bad. As someone far brighter than I once said, “the only constant is change.” Before I continue let me say that the point of my writing here is not to get into a discussion on the line of thinking that says that we are attracting into our life each and every negative event — be it disease, the death of a loved one, or insert whatever devastating thing you can think of — that happens to us (either consciously or on a subconscious level). That’s not my point here. Besides, there are no shortage of experts who have addressed that particular line of thinking elsewhere.

What I am saying, is that no matter what may have happened to us, whether it was someone taking advantage of us, a shift in the economy that led to being downsized, or virtually any other situation you choose to apply to this, the simple truth remains — how we choose to react to it is well within our control.

That is not to say that it’s always going to be easy, sometimes it means accepting things we have a hard time accepting, and taking corrective measures that are anything but comfortable.

However, the powerful thing about acknowledging this truth is that in doing so we come to realize that we are able to get over simply accepting the role of victim — the part that says, this happened to me — this is why I’m this way, and as a result I can’t do anything to change where I am.

Instead we are able to move to a more empowering position of, this happened, but by taking action I can change my particular situation for the better.

Through fully embracing the belief that you have control over how you react to what occurs in your life you unleash your personal greatness. You no longer have to accept that you are at the mercy of whatever may come your way, but rather that you can take an active role in defining, and in turn get on with living your perfect life.

While it is true that it isn’t always easy to fully embrace and accept this truth day in and day out — it is imperative that you do make the effort to do so just the same. Fortunately, in most cases it is as easy as being aware of it — even if at first you notice you have resistance to it — by keeping the idea in mind, in time you will come to accept it as well as benefit from all that goes along with viewing challenges and adversity in this light.

Inside this simple, yet profound thought is exactly what is needed in most cases to move you from a place where you feel stuck or out of control to a place where you realize that by applying action — and acquiring new skills, whatever you identify that is needed to learn — you can in fact take an active step towards changing your place for the better.

If you find yourself in a place in your own life where all is going well, then all the better. The idea will only make more concrete the reality that you have all you need to achieve your goals and dreams.

Keep clearly in mind that great personal power comes from knowing that come what may, for better or worse you can play an active role in shaping — and in turn living the life you were meant to live.

It’s your life, LIVE BIG! Josh Hinds

Josh Hinds is a speaker, trainer and coach. He is the author of ‘Why Perfect Timing is a Myth: Tips for Staying Inspired and Motivated Day in and Day out!’ — grab your copy of this life changing booklet at http://GetMotivation.com/booklet/ now!

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My husband and I recently spent a weekend at a bed and breakfast inn in New Hampshire. One of the selling points of this particular B&B was that the room had its own fireplace. When we came back from dinner, I set about making a fire for us. I’m not exactly Mountain Woman, but I know how to make a pretty good fire. Try as I might, though, I could not get this one going. Neither could my husband . . . until he figured out what was wrong. He said, “There isn’t enough draft from the flue. We have to open some windows.” Which of course made perfect sense: midwinter in New Hampshire, open some windows to let in some cold air so we can have a nice cozy fire! One thing I’ve learned being married for 28 years is that the path with heart doesn’t always “make sense.” He opened some windows a bit and in no time we had a rip-roaring fire.

Lighting and tending a fire requires attention and skill. Sometimes the fire gives dramatic cues – a spray of sparks, a burst of flame. And sometimes the cues are subtle – as in the case of the missing draft.

Igniting and tending the fires of personal intention also require attention and skill. Getting the fire going in the first place typically requires three elements:

– Clarify your intention.
– Identify some next steps.
– Get started taking those next steps.

The greater challenge seems to come during next stage, which
requires that you:

– Take the action.
– Listen to the information that the action produces.
– Apply that information to determine your next step.

This stage can last a very long time. You essentially repeat these steps until you reach your intended goal, change your intention, or lose heart and let the fire go out. Did you know that the most common reason people let the fire go out is that they haven’t learned how to listen to, and apply the feedback from their actions?

Here’s an example. A small business owner I worked with several
years ago wanted to increase her customer base. Although her marketing strategy was delivering very poor results, she remained stubbornly committed to it because, as she put it, “it should be working.” Meanwhile, her business was dropping off and she was getting more and more discouraged. Her fire was going out, but she was unwilling to move the logs around, use the bellows, or put on another log. I could not convince her to use the feedback. She eventually stopped working with me and closed the business.

Another client of mine used “negative” feedback much more
effectively. Her intention was to strengthen her boundaries at work and to stop doing other people’s jobs at the expense of her own. This meant going against her natural instinct, which was to always help other people. When she started paying closer attention, she noticed that she felt angry when she was doing work that she didn’t want to be doing. She learned to use the anger as a cue. As soon as she noticed herself feeling angry, she would step back and ask herself whose work she was doing. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the anger signaled that she was doing someone else’s work. She would then do something about it, such as return the work to the person whose job it was. Over time she became quite skilled at this and learned to not take it on in the first place unless she really wanted to and had the time for it.

THE FEEDBACK OF “YES”

It’s just as important to honor the positive feedback – no matter how subtle or unusual it looks. While engaged in some activity, you may feel flow, or you may have the sense that you’re just getting going and you don’t want to stop. This is feedback that you are on course. Don’t discount it. Let it in. It will fan the flames of your intention. Or you may notice a delightfully synchronous occurrence. As my friend Chris sat in her mountain home writing about her connection with animals, her cats gathered outside her window, looked toward her
and meowed. This is the feedback of “yes.”

And every once in a while, your action will result in what I call a “huge nod from the universe.” You will experience a resounding “yes!” A client of mine had a very clear intention to reach more people with her work. One of her action steps was to hold a series of workshops. Several things happened. First, a local retail store decided to sponsor and publicize her workshops. Second, the turnout for these workshops was high. Third, the response at these events was very enthusiastic. Her energized, excited participants swarmed around her after the workshops to express their appreciation and gratitude. They became private clients, they signed up for her clinics, and they came back to her subsequent workshops with friends in hand. Can you imagine how this positive feedback affected the fire of her intention??? Like putting a match to crumpled newspaper under kindling. Foooooom! A HUGE
flame!

Sometimes the huge nod from the universe seems to come from within you: the creative breakthrough you experience after writing every day for several months; the blast of exhilaration you feel finishing your first Walk for Hunger; the sheer fun of finally “getting” swing dance in your body. These are vivid experiences of affirmation. The message is clear: “keep doing this.”

Possibly the hardest feedback to interpret is what feels like no feedback at all. You see minimal results – neither a yes nor a no. Often this means there just isn’t enough information yet. Hang in there, keep doing what you’re doing, and pay attention. Sooner or later, you’ll receive the critical mass of information you need. I urge you to pay attention to the information your actions generate in a way that keeps the fires of your intention burning. If your actions are producing satisfying results, know that you are on course, and see if you can turn it up a notch. If your actions are not bringing satisfying results, do something different. You may need to open a window!

COACHING TIPS:

Answer these questions:

1. What are you working on, currently?

2. What action steps are you taking toward reaching your goal?

3. What is the feedback from taking these steps?

4. Are you using that feedback to determine your next steps?

Copyright 2003 Sharon Teitelbaum. All rights reserved.

Master Certified Coach Sharon Teitelbaum is an authority on work life balance and an expert life coach to busy professionals, high achievers, people at midlife, and working parents. Her book, Getting Unstuck Without Coming Unglued: Restoring Work-Life Balance, is a strategic, tactical guide for maintaining a sane and balanced life, distilled from her experience coaching hundreds of people.

A sought-after keynote speaker and workshop leader, Sharon has addressed such diverse audiences as Harvard Medical School Faculty, financial advisors at Merrill Lynch, and Mothers’ of Twins Clubs. She has been featured in national publications including The New York Times, Working Mother Magazine, and Forbes.com. Sharon works with individual coaching clients throughout the US and internationally by phone, or in person in the Boston area, and always offers an initial consultation at no charge. Married for thirty-plus years, she is the mother of two fabulous grown-up daughters.

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A life coach is someone you hire to help assist you with your personal development, especially in the area of setting and achieving specific goals. They may use questions, times of reflection, discussion and specific request to help their clients identify goals related to personal, relational, career and business areas of their life. Once this first step is accomplished they will usually help the client to develop necessary relationships, strategies and action steps to achieve those goals.

Life coaching is not as well known, as it should be because of its confidential nature. It has been used successfully by over 200,000 people world wide.

If you generate income from e-commerce activities such as blogging, affiliate marketing, Ebay stores or other online business you are a perfect candidate for a life coach. Coaching is designed to help you break through those barriers online entrepreneurs frequently face. Life coaches can specialize in areas like relationships, careers or personal growth. “As with any relationship, it’s important for coach and client to ‘click’ interpersonally.

A Life Coach usually schedules sessions with you by phone (telephone coaching), in weekly appointments, to partner with you in identifying your desires, and to help you find your core values and goals. He or she will encourage you to take action, and do all they can to help you achieve success. Failure to plan and set goals and action steps is one of the major reasons for lack of success in online ventures.

Remember that life coaching is about encouraging you, acknowledging you, motivating you, and moving you through old patterns and limitations so you can get into effective action. It is a designed relationship between coach and client where the coaching alliance continually gives all the power back to the client. If you think life coaching could be helpful, then try it out and see if it is for you. Discover what this process is all about and join the many people worldwide who have gained the benefits from Life Coaching.